if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
did i walk over a car last night?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
