Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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