did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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