it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
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You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
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The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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