Yo dont text me then not text me
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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