Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
