you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
