Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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