Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
