thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
