Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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