Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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