Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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