And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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