drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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