Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
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Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
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Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina