turn off your phone and go to bed
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
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You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
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I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing