I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.