Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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