did you get engaged???
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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