Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize