Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
