Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
