I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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