omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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