I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
