Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We have started to decorate penises.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
