Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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