Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
