How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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