it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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