Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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