Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
