he was CRYING into my vagina
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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