i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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