we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
