my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
