Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
