my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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