ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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