Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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