We won't sleep together?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
