My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
