I'm sorry my penis didn't work
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
