Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
