guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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