my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
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Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
pray to the hookup gods
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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