Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
