we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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