Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
