Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
