Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
