conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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