She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
