you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
