Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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