I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
