she woke up with a sticky ear
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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