You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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