She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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