He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
