He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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