Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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