I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
