Non-Jews are for practice
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
