I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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