i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
