I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
