I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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