Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
