Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
