You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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