Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
