so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he was CRYING into my vagina
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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