i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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