"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
