Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
