elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
the raccoons are back...
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