Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
